All My Life I Had to Fight

I am not much different from my students. I hate Saturday School when I have to get out of bed to be back in the building that exhausted me the week before, but I love it after I get there and have meaningful interactions with students in a more casual environment. Like this one:

"Hey Ida B. Wells!"

"I like it when you call me that!"

"Do you remember why I started calling you that?"

"Yea. Cuz you said I was outspoken and had a lot of strong opinions about things."

"That, and that if you use all your passion for good you can change the world."

"Oh yea, that too."

" I've been hearing that you have been getting in trouble lately." "Is that true?"

"People get on my nerves. They say all kinds of stuff."

" You know, you don't have to always fight to win. Fighting isn't the answer."

"All my life I've had to fight!"

Her words silenced me.

The Color Purple.

And I remembered this scene.

All My Life I Had to Fight

Fight is what the brain tells us to do when we feel threatened. Fight is what students who have experienced trauma instinctively do when they do not feel safe. Fight is the reaction we get when we speak to students who come from trauma in authoritarian, aggressive, or escalated ways. Fight can look like disrespect or ignoring or avoiding; both are reactions of protection. Fight can look like lashing out or a full-on fit. Whatever the reaction, there are things we can do to lessen the fight response.

1.Be aware of the tone and volume of your voice. No one likes to be yelled at or spoken to with contempt and condemnation; especially students who come from trauma. If a child or teenager is walking this earth with an overactive stress response, being yelled at is an immediate trigger and their already heightened stress response will go into overdrive. Many times their response is to protect themselves by either yelling back or fleeing. When correcting or confronting a student, use a firm, but calm voice. You can be authoritative without belittling or yelling at a student.

2. Build connections and relationships with students. Trauma happens in the context of a relationship and it is only healed in the context of a relationship. Research shows that students who have experienced trauma can build resilience when they have the presence of one stable caring adult in their life. Many times that adult is a teacher. For discipline and correction to be effective, they must be done in the context of a safe relationship. We must connect before we correct!.

3. De-escalate an escalated student. You cannot reason with an escalated student. You can talk until you are blue in the face, and do you know what they hear? Nothing. Nada. Zilch. An escalated student is operating out of their survival brain. When their reactions are driven by emotions or fear, they physically cannot access the thinking part of their brain. We must first listen, reassure, validate, respond, repair, and resolve. Then we can correct and teach and support them toward changed behaviors. Natalie Turner reminds us of some rules to remember when dealing with an escalated student: "Rule #1. Take nothing a raging kid says personally. Act like a duck: let the words roll off your back like drops of water. Rule #2. Don't mirror the kid's behavior. Take a deep breath. Wait for the storm to pass, and then ask something along the lines of, "Are you okay? Did something happen to you that is bothering you? Do you want to talk about it?" My favorite words to say to an escalated student once they are calm are, "How can I help?

4. Know your own triggers. What behaviors stress you out and get on your last nerve? Sometimes just being aware of what sets you off, can help you stay calm. Remember, an escalated adult can never de-escalate a child. The 5-second rule can always be applied when we are triggered by a student’s behavior. Pause for 5 seconds and breathe slowly before you speak. Remind yourself that raising your voice or being aggressive will not solve the issue, it will only escalate the situation.

We won't eliminate every fight response, but we can certainly reduce the negative ways our students respond by how we respond or react to them. When we can create classrooms that are safe and calm for our students, we will see a significant reduction in the fight response.

Update: Since our conversation, “Ida” has not gotten into another fight 😀. Students just want to be heard and understood. When we build those connections, real change can happen.

Resilience

re·sil·ience

/rəˈzilyəns/

noun

1. 1.

2. the capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.

Today marks the 30th anniversary of my Dad’s death. 30 years.

30 years without his presence in my life.

30 years without.

No hugs.

No I’m proud of yous.

No answers and advice.

30 years of not hearing my Dad say, “I love you.”

 30 years without dad jokes… and his were actually pretty funny.

I could tell you about a certain Shop-Vac joke, but it’s rated PG and I wouldn’t want to offend. But 30 years later, I still laugh whenever I think of that moment.

Today I sat in a conference on childhood trauma and resilience. Dr. Nadine Burke Harris (take a minute to watch her TED Talk) believes it is our nation’s biggest health crisis. It is the root of most diseases and dysfunction. And, I agree with her. I see it every day in my classroom, and I lived it with my own children. The negative effects of Adverse Childhood Experiences and toxic stress are vast and can be devastating.

Can be.

My brother recently sent me a card that my grandfather gave to my dad on his wedding day.  My grandfather’s words were a reminder that my dad had his own set of Adverse Childhood Experiences. He lost his mom at a very early age to cancer.  He was raised by, what I considered, a cold stepmother and a demanding father who didn’t give much love or affection.

I sat in that conference today and thought about how I won the parent lottery. I have an ACE score of 0.  My parents were not perfect, but I was raised in a loving, stable home with parents that supported me, disciplined me in love, (except for the bathtub incident when my mom hit me with a yardstick. I now believe she was in menopause and I totally understand her actions.) and provided me with every opportunity to succeed.

I don’t know why I didn’t realize it before, but today it became clear to me that my dad left my boys and me a legacy of resilience.

He had a high ACE score, and so do my sons.

But they each have, and had, an incredible amount of resilience.

I was reminded again today that children who have experienced trauma don’t have to be defined by their adversity. If one stable, caring adult can step into their lives,  show them their strengths, believe in them, build a relationship with them, and be a buffer to their trauma, they too can build resilience.

I want to be that one person.

After all, my Dad showed me how.

A Post-Middle of Pandemic Classroom

Students who feel safe in your classroom are ready to learn

Like millions of teachers across the country, I have spent the last weeks getting my classroom ready for students to return. My desks have been properly arranged for covid safe distancing while still allowing for collaboration and small group instruction. My supplies are placed in their proper color-coded baskets, and my bulletin boards have been freshly assembled. I am ready!

But, after 18 months of pandemic education, is that really all our students need?

Our students are coming back to the classroom with even more trauma than they may have already experienced pre-pandemic. What they really need is a safe, secure place to land. Yes, the organized, fresh classroom is part of creating that safe place; but, there is a lot more we can do to provide a safe, trauma-informed, and trauma-sensitive classroom.

Howard Bath, in his article The Three Pillars of Trauma-Informed Care, writes that there are three universal components to providing support to those impacted by trauma. They are:

1. Safety

2. Connection

3. Managing Emotions

In this three-part series, I will look at each of these pillars of trauma-informed care and offer some practical ways we can meet these trauma needs in the classroom. Let’s start with safety…

Safety

Unfortunately, the defining experience of any child who has experienced complex trauma is that of feeling unsafe. These children develop a pervasive mistrust of the adults with whom they interact, and as Seita and Brendtro (2005) point out, they become “adult wary,” employing a range of strategies that keep adults at bay. -Howard Bath

When was the last time you didn’t feel safe? Do you remember the racing heart feeling? Did you notice you were breathing with quick, shallow breaths? Did you want to fight, flee, or freeze? When we do not feel safe our pre-wired safety brain kicks into gear, ready to keep us alive. Our students who have experienced trauma come to us with an overactive survival brain. They are constantly asking the question, “Am I safe here?” “Can I trust this adult?” As teachers, we need to create a classroom that answers their questions with a definitive yes! It is not as difficult as you may think. In fact, many excellent teachers do these things without even knowing they are trauma-informed practices.

Consistency, reliability, predictability, availability, honesty, and transparency are all attributes that are related to the creation of safe environments for children. -Howard Bath

Below are 4 ways you can create a classroom that provides a sense of safety for all students; but especially those that come to you who have experienced trauma.

A disorganized classroom can cause students to feel anxious and become distracted.

1. Provide a Calm Space.

   Both the tone of your voice and the lighting in the classroom can help to create a space that is calm. Students who come to us having experienced adverse childhood experiences are many times in a state of dysregulation; their stress response is in overdrive. When we use loud, aggressive tones it will almost always escalate a student and lead to a student shutting down or acting out. Speak with calm authority, and you will find your students are much more attentive and responsive. Harsh, overhead, fluorescent lighting can create a feeling of anxiety, bodily stress, or hyperactivity; all things the kids with an overactive stress response are already prone to. Add floor lamps with soft light to your classroom and turn off the overhead lights. You can also cover several of the overhead lights with fluorescent light covers. You can find them here. More on creating calm when we look at managing emotional responses in part 3.

2. Provide predictable and consistent procedures

   Children who have lived in chaos crave predictability. If the home is a place where they do not know what is coming next or what they can count on, a classroom that has consistent procedures will provide a much-needed sense of safety. Post the day’s agenda in the same place every day. Be consistent in your rules and classroom procedures. Take time at the beginning of the year to explain, rehearse, and correct the expected behaviors and procedures. The more the students know what to expect, the safer they feel.

3. Provide an organized classroom

   As a former type B teacher, I have had to grow in this area. I used to be a pile person; organization and neatness were not my gifts. Students who come from a chaotic place benefit from an organized and neat space. A clean, organized room helps to create a sense of safety and calm. Take note of your bulletin boards and walls. Are things just randomly put up, or is there order? Are your walls and bulletin boards too busy? Sometimes, less is more. An unorganized, cluttered room can be distracting and unsettling to students with a trauma background.

4. Provide smooth, predictable transitions

   Transitions can be especially tricky for students who come from trauma. To provide a sense of safety, your classroom transitions must be predictable and have plenty of warnings about what is to come. Your transitions should have a clearly explained sequence of events as well as pre warnings and countdowns to transitions. Below is an example of a trauma-sensitive transition that creates a sense of calm and safety in your classroom.

Modified from TREP Project article “Consistency and Predictability”

Safety is a student’s number one need; so much more so if they come from hard places. By providing a calm, organized, and predictable classroom we can ensure our students feel safe and are able to learn. In part 2 of this series, we will look at the second pillar of trauma-informed education: Connection.

“What is good for trauma students is good for all students”

Dear Teachers, I Am Sorry

Dear Teachers,

I owe you an apology.  I may have miscommunicated what I was trying to say in my last blog.  I am guessing that is what happened. I heard from parents with struggling kids. I heard from friends that discovered their high ACE scores may be the missing piece to their health puzzle. I heard from others that just thought it was some good, new information. Even Oprah is talking about trauma sensitive schools now. See what she says here But I didn't hear from any teachers.  Well, one.

I was confused.

My words were not meant to say it is the teachers' fault that there are school shootings or  that it is your sole responsibility to fix these children.

It was not my intent to make you feel like you are responsible for one more thing. Lord knows you are burdened with enough to do in a day.

I was not trying to say teachers need to be mental health care providers along with everything else you are required to do.

So I am sorry if I made you feel like this was your fault.

But I do think teachers can be a big part of the solution. For many students, a teacher is the only adult in their world who can provide a safe and predictable relationship.

Many of you reposted the Teacher Of The Year's post that went viral.  And I agree with a lot of what she said.

Read post here

But that was my point exactly...it is because of the family situation that many of these kids have such high ACEs Read about ACEs here.  The family is failing in most of these kids' lives who are causing the biggest discipline issues.  If the parents stepped up, the ACEs would be lower in the first place.

But if I may, let me tell you a story...

Years ago, my family was failing.

And my kids' ACEs score was climbing. 4 to be exact.

But I wasn't educated in the brain science of toxic stress and my parenting style, that had always worked in the past, was making matters worse.

I knew my son was struggling with anxiety. Stomach aches, head aches,  a racing pulse, and panic attacks were becoming a daily occurrence; and the intensity was increasing drastically in spite of all my son and I were doing to try to calm it. The anxiety was  becoming debilitating.  I was doing all I knew to do. I read books on anxiety. I provided a diet and supplements that supported a calm nervous system. We tried medication; some of which made everything worse. I found him professional help. (which is no small feat navigating the mental health system) I hired a yoga instructor. I was desperate to find help and get my happy, healthy child back.

 Even though I was in my own crisis and chaos, I at least had the education and means to find him help. Even with the resources available to me, it was still a struggle and one of the hardest things I have had to face.  So, think of all those parents that don't have the resources or the wherewithal to get help. How much harder must it be for them to advocate for their children; how much harder for them to "step up"?

I was trying to be the parent to, as the viral post stated, "step up"

But my parenting was making it worse.

In the beginning, I was all like "Get up off the floor and go to school." " I am not going to be manipulated by this." " Hey, I don't feel like going to work either but I have to, so you can go to school."

And the teachers were the same.

"He's being lazy."  "He's not doing his work." " He's smart, but doesn't care." "How can he learn if he doesn't show up?" "It's your job to get him to school."

But his brain was malfunctioning.  He was drowning in stress hormones and physically couldn't do school things.

He could not operate out of his thinking brain when his emergency brain was in overdrive.

I was demanding he does things he physically couldn't do, and his teachers were doing the same.

And it only compounded the anxiety.

It wasn't until I discovered the science of toxic stress on the brain that things turned around.  And though It went against my normal parenting expectations of working hard, don't slack, and fighting through hard things, our days became about all things calm - yoga, rest, and more rest. The priority was about removing triggers and healing his brain.  His teachers thought I was enabling, helicoptering, and making excuses for his "laziness".  Some days I thought the same about myself. But in my gut, I knew this was the right thing to do.

If he had strep throat or pneumonia I wouldn't demand that he " fight through it". I would give him all the things that would make him well.

If I only knew then what I know now.

If his teachers only knew what was going on in our home and what that stress was doing to his brain.

 That is all I was suggesting in my last post.

I was just encouraging teachers to look at students through a trauma-sensitive lens.

Have high expectations in an environment of high support.

It is the connection of a teacher that can make a difference. Oprah says her teachers were the difference in overcoming the effects of her high ACEs. It doesn't take much.  It is really just about building safe, secure, and consistent relationships with students.  It is about looking at what may be behind the behaviors; not just the behavior itself.

My friend gets it. She posted this the other day.

"I care more about loving them than I do about teaching English, but along the way they learn more than I thought possible"

And that is what a trauma-sensitive lens looks like. And it is science. Research shows us that students learn, have higher test scores, and have better classroom behavior when they are in a classroom that is safe, nurturing, and relational. In other words, an environment that understands the science of trauma in a child's brain.

Currently, I teach in a Title 1 school. I know there are kids that are "out of control" in your classroom, and I know that you don't get the support you need from parents. I know teaching is demanding and draining and that many times we are expected to do the work of 10 people.  But I also know that we have the potential to change a struggling student’s life with our connection. Maybe even the next Oprah.

I am thrilled to say that today my boy is doing fine. (and he is anything but lazy.) I'll be honest, I never thought this day would come. It breaks my heart to think back on those days and how we struggled. I often wonder how different the outcome might have been had one of his teachers  understood the science of trauma and toxic stress, and instead of asking him "What is wrong with you?" had simply asked, "What has happened to you?"

That is all I was trying to say.

Most teachers didn't go into teaching to hold a gun. They got into teaching to hold hands and hearts and minds.

And, of course, to have summers off.

"No significant learning occurs without a significant relationship" -James Comer

Yes, Damn It, There Were Warning Signs

This is not about gun reform; though it plays a part.

This is not about blame; though there is enough to go around.

This is simply about me sharing with you what I have learned about children who have experienced adversity.

I am not talking about the kind of adversity that grows a kids' character and teaches them about life and it's hard knocks. This is not about excuses for kids behavior; it's about causes. And before you jump down my throat about raising snowflakes, hear me out and have a look at the science...

I have a pit in my stomach as I write.  My eyes keep watering and it's hard to see the keyboard.  All I wanted to do yesterday was crawl under the covers and stay in bed. Maybe it is because of all the research I have been doing lately on trauma and it's effects on kids, but this latest school tragedy has hit me harder than most. And based on twitter and FB, it's hitting you hard too.

I keep hearing the words of the newscasters. "Were there any warning signs?

Yes.  Damn it. Yes, there were warning signs.

The talking heads keep asking, "Why do the shooters shoot?"  I don't have all the answers, but I am pretty confident I know a very big piece of the puzzle.

Without fail all of the school/church shooters have experienced one or more Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs). And the toxic stress that results from those ACEs have altered their brains and bodies, and the evidence is in their behavior.

There were warning signs. There are always warning signs.

And the majority of our schools are not equipped to recognize or deal with the real-life, messy effects  of students who have experienced adverse childhood experiences ( ACEs)

So here is what I have learned as I have tried to give my own children all they have needed to heal from their  ACEs

In  the 1990's Dr. Vincent Felitti  and Dr. Robert Anda along with Kaiser Permanente and the CDC conducted a Study of 17,300 middle class adults in what became known as the Adverse Childhood Experiences study. The data showed the direct correlation between the number of  ACEs and health issues in adults like obesity, addiction, heart disease, autoimmune diseases, and more. (sounds like common sense doesn't' it?) And as a result of this study, we now know the effects of the toxic stress caused by these adversities on children and their brains and bodies.

"ACEs are defined as some of the most intensive and frequently occurring sources of stress that children (from birth to 18)might suffer in life.  These range from physical, emotional or sexual abuse, neglect, witnessing violence in the home, living with an alcohol/or substance abuser, and community violence" -Jim Sporleder  The Trauma-Informed School

Felitti and Anda created the following list of the most common ACEs.  Your ACE score is one point for each of the ACEs that you have experienced from birth to 18.

You can take the ACE test here

And this is what science has shown us:

"These types of chronic adversities change the architecture of a child's brain, altering the expression of genes that control stress hormone output, triggering an overactive inflammatory stress response for life, and predisposing the child to adult disease. ACE research shows that 64 percent of adults faced one ACE in their childhood, and 40 percent faced two or more." -Donna Jackson Nakazawa

That means almost half of you reading this have at least one or more ACE.

And if you are a teacher, think of your students and the possible number of ACEs in your classroom.

From what the news is reporting about the shooter, his ACE score is at a minimum 3; but my guess is it is probably higher.

The ACE study has shown us that children with multiple ACEs are bathing in stress hormones that leave them in a constant state of fight, flight, or freeze; also known as survival mode. These are the students who are viewed as "the problems".  A study out of Washington State University showed that students who had at least 3 ACEs were three times more likely to fail academically, 5 times more likely to be truant, and 6 times more likely to have behavioral problems.

Without going into too much neuroscience, students living with this toxic stress are operating with their primitive or reptilian brain (amygdala), and the top part of the brain that controls their emotions and behavior, and learning (neocortex) is not accessible.

" When the student is living under high amounts of stress or has had an intense history of trauma, this top-down control system fails and the lower parts of the brain become more dominant. They physiologically cannot make appropriate decisions or calm themselves when they are functioning from a bottom-up control.  They are in survival: their brains are flooded with the stress hormone, cortisol" -Jim Sporleder

So what? How is this science going to stop children from being murdered in their classrooms by other students?

I don't know that it will, but if our schools start looking at our students through a trauma-sensitive lens, we can start to make a difference in some of these students’ lives; before the shooting happens.

We have to start implementing strategies that help our students return to a calm brain and to a regulated stress response. Traditional discipline has not proven to be the answer. Zero Tolerance with its suspensions and expulsions does not address the underlying cause of the behaviors; and many times can make the situation worse. Our locked doors and security cameras and shooter drills are not preventing it from happening.

The science and data show that if children with high ACE scores have at least one stable, caring, and safe adult in their lives they can build resiliency and learn to overcome the effects of the toxic stress. It takes time.  It takes relationship and connection. And many times, the only stable caring person in that child's life is a teacher.

We have to focus on the "before the shooting".  

What if we start asking our students "what happened to you?"  instead of "what is wrong with you?"

I highly recommend the documentary Paper Tigers.  It follows a school in Washington State that implements a Trauma-Informed School approach with life-altering results for their students, the teachers, and the almighty test results.

I wonder if the shooter had attended a school that was implementing a trauma-sensitive curriculum would the outcome be any different?

I know the answer is not as simple as knowing what our student’s ACE score is, but it's a start.  If we can educate ourselves on the effects of toxic stress on our students, and find ways to get them from a dysregulated stress response to a regulated one (and there are proven ways to make this happen) we can begin to make a change in our students, our classrooms, and our world.

I dare say most teachers got into teaching because they wanted to make a difference in a child's life. (It is certainly not for the pay or the chance to hold their bladders for 8 hours a day.) I know It is why I became a teacher.

What if we can begin to implement strategies that address students with a high ACE score? What if those strategies can help a child succeed and a teacher to have a classroom with fewer distractions and discipline issues?

I know it does not fall solely on our  teachers shoulders to reach these children that have been impacted by childhood trauma, but many times they can be the difference these hurting children so desperately need.

I am attending a Trauma Sensitive Schools conference this week and I am anxious to become better equipped to share what I am learning about children and  toxic stress in the classroom.

And I am ready to be a small part of the solution to one day ending these school tragedies.

Resources:

The Trauma Informed School -Jim Sporleder

Childhood Disrupted- How your Biography Becomes Your Biology And How You Can Heal -Donna Jackson Nakazawa

Paper Tigers, A documentary See Trailer Here

Resilience The Biology of Stress and the Science of Hope, A documentary See Trailer Here

Ted Talk on ACEs Listen to Ted Talk here